Trail running. It’s not just a sport; it’s a lifestyle. A lifestyle that’s equal parts muddy shoes, questionable snack choices, and wondering why you’re still out here when you could be at home in bed. Here’s a list of things only trail runners will truly get.
1. Black toenails are just edgy accessories
Non-trail runners will never understand why you’re so casual about black toenails. “Doesn’t that hurt?” they ask, eyes wide with horror, as if you’ve just confessed to sawing off your own foot. Hurt? Mate, this is just my body’s way of accessorising for the next ultra. Call it a badge of honour, a rite of passage, or even nature’s pedicure. Who needs perfectly pink toenails when you can rock shades of “midnight bruise” and “deathly purple” instead?
And honestly, black toenails are nothing compared to the toe that just gave up entirely. The first time it happened, you were slightly horrified. Now? You sigh, tape it up, and carry on. What’s one less toenail when you’ve got snacks to eat and hills to climb? Losing a nail is an advantage—less weight to carry. It’s pure trail-runner logic.
Meanwhile, non-runners are walking around with perfectly manicured toes, blissfully unaware of what they’re missing. You can keep your pedicures, Linda. I’ve got my ultra-runner street cred right here—one missing toenail at a time.
2. You’ve eaten food off the ground
It’s not gross. It’s survival. When you’ve been running for five hours and your precious jelly baby tumbles into the mud, you’re not going to waste it. You’ll pick it up, give it a good blow, and carry on like the legend you are. Five-second rule? Try five-mile rule. Bonus points if it’s covered in dirt and somehow tastes even better.
OK maybe it is gross!
3. A “short run” is 15 miles
Your mates think you’re mental. “You ran how far? For fun?” Yes, Karen, I ran 20 miles up a mountain. And yes, I paid an entry fee for the privilege. No, I don’t know why either, but here we are.
4. Mud is a fashion statement
Why bother cleaning your shoes when they’ll just get filthy again tomorrow? Muddy legs streaked sweat, and twigs stuck in your hair are the trail runner’s equivalent of a catwalk look. If you finish a run looking pristine, were you even trying?
A pair of trail shoes shouldn’t be chosen for colour – they all end up one colour – mud!
5. You are grateful for trees
Trail runners don’t need fancy toilets. We’ve got nature! Whether it’s a discreet pit stop behind a bush or an awkward squat mid-run, trees have got your back (literally). Just don’t forget which bush you’ve “visited” when you loop back around.
6. You’ll endure anything for a good view
Blisters, nettles, rocky ascents, and a questionable descent that feels like it was designed by a sadistic goat… all for that perfect summit photo. You tell yourself it’s worth it, even though your quads are screaming and you’ve tripped twice on the way up. Instagram won’t post itself.
7. You’re always hungry
Trail running burns calories, which means you’re basically a human garbage disposal. Pizza for breakfast? Sure. Leftover curry at 9 am? Why not. Gels and energy bars count as a balanced diet, right?
8. Weather is just a suggestion
Rain? Snow? Gale-force winds? You’ve run in it all. Trail runners don’t cancel plans because of the weather—we just layer up and hope we don’t get hypothermia. Or sunburn. Or struck by lightning. It’s all part of the fun.
9. You’ve had conversations with animals
Trail running takes you into the wild, which means plenty of wildlife encounters. Whether it’s politely asking a cow to get off the path or cursing at a squirrel that scared the life out of you, you’ve definitely communicated with creatures. And don’t get us started on how every bird call sounds like mockery when you’re struggling up a hill.
10. The post-run shower is both heaven and hell
That first shower after a long, muddy run? Blissful. Until you discover the hidden cuts and scratches you didn’t notice before. Why does everything sting? Oh, right, because you face-planted into a bramble bush at mile six. Totally worth it.
11. Chafing is the enemy
Inner thighs, armpits, lower back—it’s like your body is waging war on itself. You’ve spent more on anti-chafing creams than on actual running shoes, but somehow, the chafing always wins. Forget medals; the fact you can sit down after a run without crying is the real victory.
12. You’ve fallen over (and pretended it was on purpose)
Every trail runner has face-planted at some point. The best part? Glancing around to see if anyone saw you and then trying to make it look like you were “just stretching”. Oscar-worthy performance.
13. You’ve worn your hydration vest to the supermarket
Nothing screams “I’m an athlete” like wandering the aisles with a hydration pack still strapped on. Bonus points if there’s mud streaked down your legs and an energy gel wrapper sticking out of your pocket. We have totally done this, have you?
14. Aid stations are basically buffets
Gummy bears, crisps, cookies, bananas… Aid stations are the trail runner’s version of a Michelin-star restaurant. You don’t run ultras for the challenge; you do it for the snacks.
15. You know the true fear of running past a herd of cows
Cows might look cute, but every trail runner knows they’re just waiting for the right moment to charge. Walking through a field of them is like stepping into the Colosseum, but instead of lions, it’s a gang of 800kg beasts judging your life choices.
Of course, we appreciate that many of our transatlantic friends will have much more to contend with than cows. We do have the odd adder though.
16. Your GPS watch has betrayed you
There’s nothing worse than finishing a gruelling run and discovering your watch didn’t track it. “If it’s not on Strava, did it even happen?” you whisper, devastated.
17. You’ve worn shorts in weather that clearly called for trousers
“It’s just a bit of rain,” you say, as hypothermia slowly sets in. Trail runners are optimists—or idiots. Sometimes it’s hard to tell.
And it’s not just the weather – brambles and nettles also call for leggings!
18. You’ve invented a dance to shake out rocks from your shoes
The hop, the shuffle, the “balance on one foot while trying not to fall”—it’s practically performance art. And somehow, there’s always more rocks.
19. Your idea of “flat” is wildly inaccurate
When a trail runner says a route is “pretty flat,” they mean it only has about 500 metres of climbing. This is the lie we tell ourselves to survive.
20. You have no concept of what’s ‘normal’ anymore
You wake up at 4am to run 20 miles, yet somehow think people waking up at 4am for yoga is weird. Who’s the real maniac here?
21. You’ve turned pain into a hobby
Lost toenails, chafed skin, and legs that feel like they’ve been set on fire—all part of the fun! Trail running isn’t just a sport; it’s a way of life.
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